Counting down the minutes to see you....

Hearts and Diamonds

I never thought we'd be where we are. Just one little mistake made me start feeling this way. Normally I would get over it and we would be fine again, but for some reason, a sorry won't do. Other times weren't too big of a deal so I just let it go, but this one can't slide. When you're trying to teach someone a lesson, you can't just let them off easy because you love them or because you want to give them another chance. There are only so many chances before you have to take a step back and realize what you're doing. I'm worth more than that. I should have realized that I'm more precious than the most expensive diamond in the world and that belittling myself for someone else is one of the most horrible things you can do to yourself. I only wish I realized it sooner. And now I'm left in a state of confusion. I know it's my fault, but now I'm confused as to how I feel about you. There is so much doubt in this relationship, this thing we call love. I said that I still love you, but I mean it in a way where a best friend loves a best friend. I care about you and I want you to be happy, but the spark and the magic and the love...it just isn't there anymore. I guess it's up to you, do you want to try and win my heart back? Or do you want to continue our relationship as friends? Because as of now, I can't say that I'm in love with you anymore.

Cluttered

Is it just because I'm still on my period and I'm still having mood swings? Or is it because I'm just annoyed at you because of the agument we recently had? Or is it because I'm just fed up with you right now? Or is it because my feelings for you are cluttered? I don't really know. We've been talking less nowadays because we're both so busy and it's difficult to find time to take a break and send a text. I still wish that we could text more and talk throughout the day, but sometimes, I don't even think twice about it. What does this all mean?

Curiosity

Sometimes I just want to break off our relationship so that I can see how things will turn out. I want to see how you would manage without me and how I would manage without you. I want to see if you would chase me and ask for me back or if you would let me go and not say a word. I want to know if you would continue to love me or if you would hate me for breaking your heart and move onto someone else. I want to know if it would make you cry or if you would feel indifferent about it. I want to know who you would tell first and how long it would take you to tell everybody. I want to see if either of us will be happier without each other. Sometimes I want to break up with you just so I can realize that I have to get back together with you. But no matter how mad or angry I get, I would never break up with you because it would kill me if I did.

"I don't love you like I did yesterday"

It's a Big Deal

Note: I can't believe I haven't blogged for a freaking month! That is so depressing... I guess I stopped writing on here because my time just became taken up and used on other things. I'm sorry blog. I promise I'll start writing on here more since summer is approaching

I don't think you even read this blog anymore since you just read my Tumblr now. If you don't read this anymore, that might be a good thing because then I'll really be able to let everything out without being afraid that you might say something about it. I'm about to talk to you right now actually. I told you that I need to talk to you about it, but honestly, I really don't have much to say. The only thing I can say is "I wish it didn't happen" What else am I supposed to say after that? If I plan to only say 5 words, why make it sound like a big deal by saying "I need to talk to you" because now it sounds serious. Well maybe it's because it is serious. It's because those 5 words hold so much power and and so much meaning behind them that it was necessary to elaborate on them and make the conversation sound more serious. Goodness, I don't even know if this makes sense, but that doesn't matter because this is not for reading purposes, it's for blogging purposes.